Conversations in hell !!

On 13th of November 2005 Shrenik wrote,

Tell me, how many times it has happened that in between two conversations there is a lull period when no one has anything to talk. It is fine if you are talking to a good old friend but it becomes a bit uneasy if you are talking to an acquaintance. This gap makes us uncomfortable and makes us speak things which they won’t say or ask otherwise. If this has happened to you before then read on, else you are lying.

This problem has been diagnosed by many but there is no fool proof solution to it yet. In junior college my friend Rohit, gave us tips on dating. He advised us on restaurants to go to, food to order, food not to order, things to say, things not to say. And, most importantly he spoke about what to do in case if there is silence in conversation. He said, say one simple sentence, “Silence is golden”. It worked very effectively for me till my girlfriend misinterpreted me. She thought I was asking her to keep quiet. Ronan Keating can get away with singing “You say best when you say nothing at all”, not me.

There are some who just ask any random question. Like my friend Astha, while the rickshaw traveled from one signal to another she came up with an interesting question. “Preeti, what is the colour of walls in your office”. Preeti is also equally competent. She replied light blue and came up with another question. “Have you tasted mava cake at Merwans?” Astha replied “No”. Stop, silence again. End of another conversation.

Another example is my engineering college friend Kiran. He was 6 and half feet tall then, now he must have crossed 7 feet. Gravity has played its part by placing his brain cells in different part of his body. (Don’t ask me which) In times when we used to precariously hang on to handles in crowded BEST buses and find nothing to talk about, he used to pitch in some brilliant questions. “So who do you think is a better actor Salman Khan or Shahrukh Khan?” Felt like I was filling his slam (or scrap book, whatever you people call it) book. Over the years his level of questions improved with his KT backlog. “So who do you have a crush on Parvati or Tulsi”. In our graduation year, he asked, “So who is sexier Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez”. Uncles and aunties already cramped for space in the bus were not amused with his questions but they tried to listen to our discussion though.

These questions are much better than listening to my friend Mehul's research. While going back home from college, we used to sit on upper deck of Route no 123 of BEST. Sometimes our bus got stuck in signal. Mehul had an ingenuous idea to avoid signals. He said that if your bus is approaching a signal which is red, you should concentrate at the red light of signal, it will turn into green. Meaning if the signal is red, stare at it and it will automatically turn into green. He had tried it many times and it worked for him.

Funniest of them all is when I meet my relative that is if at all I have to sit next to them in some function. I greet them with my customary smile and ask them kem cho (Gujju equivalent of “How are you”). According to convention the person answering has to say maja ma (fine) even if he might have got multiple heart attacks. Then he will ask me, “Su kare cheh beta” (what are you doing son)? I am expected to reply, I am working for Bla Bla Bla company. 90 % of the conversations end here. Very rarely there is anything else to talk. Yes, during my cousin’s marriage I had to confront another question, “So you are next in line”.

Perhaps the smartest way to avoid such things is to stay quiet. Pretend that you are thinking. If he/she still disturbs you with one of those filler questions and statements then ignore him. Or best come up with your very own thought out version of filler statements. Say things which the other person will never understand. Something like “in long term the inflationary powers of the economy won’t be able to sustain growth at the macro level”
It will serve dual purpose, make him/her believe that you are very intelligent and put across a point as to don’t irritate me with nonsense questions.

If you have any other way to deal with this then tell me. I will try it out and tell you if it works.